Recently, we had our Bible study Christmas party with our church.  This is one of the first things Alexa and I have done together (without kids) besides seeing a movie here or there since we lost Harper.    We went to the party and ate, chatted with friends, and then they decided to play the “Not so Newly Wed Game”.  In this game, they would ask questions to one spouse about what the other would say.

They asked around 10-12 questions throughout our time playing the game and we missed some, but got a majority of them right.  The thing that stuck out to me was just thinking back on all of the moments of our relationship.  One question was “Where was your first kiss?”  Another question was wedding related.  Many of the questions made you get in your spouse’s mind to think of how they would answer it.  No matter what the questions were, how they were answered, or if we got them right or not, the game made me think back to just us.

My mind went back to before we lost Harper.  Before we had Hudson or Henry.  Even before we were married.  And I thought about just us.  Losing Harper has made our communication stronger.  It made us really talk to each other about our feelings, but it also made us not want to go out.  Not “date”.  Thinking back to dates and getting to know each other made me, for just a second, think back to just me and my wife.  Such a simpler time.

We didn’t have kids running around demanding our attention.  We didn’t have the memory of losing our daughter always in our hearts and minds.  We didn’t have the stresses of life on us.  We were just two college kids hanging out.  As I looked at my wife in those questions, just hoping that I got the answer right of what she would say (or what I should have said), I thought back to then.  When we were first falling in love.  And I realized, through all the years.  Through all the diapers and spit ups.  Through all the activities and busyness.  Through the loss of our baby girl.  Through LIFE.  She is still that same woman I fell in love with.  She is still the most beautiful person I have ever seen.  She is still the one that rolls her eyes and tries to hide her smile when she doesn’t want to laugh at my terrible joke.  She is still the one who tells me I don’t have to hold her hand because we are just walking into the store.  She is still the one who I promised my life to for better OR WORSE.  She is still my princess…

While our life has not gone at all as planned, the one who I have stood hand in hand with and will continue to stand hand in hand with, is her. 

Thanks for being there to hug me, wipe my tears, hold my hand, laugh (at me), and date me.  You are the best.  I love you!