Thankful.

I know weird right? Sure, I miss Harper. Sure, I have been angry. Sure, I have pretended this didn’t happen. Sure, I have asked God to take me instead of Harper. Sure, I have been crushed by waves of grief and sadness. Sure, I have even had glimpses of some happiness. But right now I am thankful.

It seems strange in our situation to be thankful, but I am. Thankful for our beautiful baby girl, Harper. Thankful for the eight hours we got to spend with her and the memories made in that short time. Thankful for my strong, beautiful, amazing wife who has held my hand, cried with me, hugged me, been by my side through it all, and our relationship has grown even stronger. Thankful that she thought of little things that I will cherish forever, like going to the hospital chapel to walk my baby down the aisle. Thankful for my two sons who have been there to make us laugh, give us a hug or kiss, and most of all give us a reason to get out of bed in the mornings. Thankful for friends, family, and strangers who have given us more than we could possibly imagine. Whether it be a text, phone call, donation, gift, words of encouragement, card, note, meal, watching our kids, or most importantly, prayer, we have appreciated everything. Thankful for a work team and boss who allowed me time to grieve and picked up my work, allowing me to take some time off with my family. Thankful for our photographer for being there in a moment’s notice to capture our time with our Harper. Thankful for a church that has been there from the moment we found out, for anything we need. Thankful for the hospital staff and doctors who guided us in those first few hours. Thankful for a good experience with the funeral home, cemetery, monument company, and all those other decisions that we shouldn’t have had to make for our baby girl.

Most of all thankful for Jesus. He died on the cross, rose from the dead, and went to Heaven where He is holding our baby girl. Thankful for God’s sacrifice of His child, so that I can believe in Jesus and see my child again one day in Heaven. Until then, I will have to be thankful for what I have here.

#harperjanevanhal #rememberharper #thankful

-E