How are you doing?

This is a question that I have been asked often over the past few weeks. I am thankful for the friends/family I have in my life that care to even ask me that. I’m always the awkward type that never knows what to say in delicate situations-like the death of someone’s child. There are people who check in with me daily, weekly, and then some who I’m sure are thinking of me but never let me know it. I would be the type of person to fall into the latter category...I least I used to be.

Now about the answer to that question...is it something that I want to stop and think about or try and formulate an answer to? Not exactly. I feel broken inside. I feel heavy and sad. I am most definitely battling depression and should probably take a shower. I miss my baby girl and am realizing that this feeling will follow me for the rest of my life on earth. The boys help. We will have happy moments as a family, but that gaping hole will always be there. I will never be FULLY happy again...at least I don’t think so.

And if you think about it, we aren’t SUPPOSED to be FULLY happy here on earth. There is supposed to be pain, suffering, and unimaginable sadness here because we live in a broken world. True joy and happiness will only be found in heaven with our savior.

So, yes, answering this question is hard for me-but I need to be asked. I need people to remember me. Even if it’s just a quick ‘I’m thinking of you’ text. It’s not human nature for people who have just suffered a tragedy to reach out to loved ones. We want to crawl up into a ball and hide from the world. So keep checking on those you love.

Keep asking.

Keep praying.

Keep loving. #harperjanevanhal #rememberharper

-A