I like to think of myself as an organized person. I’ll be honest, motherhood has taken some of this away from me. It seems like with each child, I lose a few more of my brain cells. When it comes to birthdays and anniversaries I love sending cards, flowers, or even a quick text message to friends and family. I feel so loved when others acknowledge special dates in my life, so I do my best to acknowledge them for others.

With that being said, it’s about time for me to wish a happy anniversary to my loving husband, Eric. I love celebrating my marriage to the most perfect guy God could have given me, but this year I was a little distracted. You see, our 7th wedding anniversary was overshadowed by the birth of our stillborn daughter, Harper Jane.

Yep-you just read that correctly. Harper was born on our anniversary. You’re probably thinking, wow. What are the chances of that? Of all of the days for her to be born, why their anniversary?

Trust me, we have had those same questions. Lying in the triage room of the hospital that day, it was one of the first things I thought about. It was late in the afternoon of the 21st, so I knew that I would be induced that night and that Harper would be arriving on our 7th wedding anniversary. I don’t think I can say realizing this made me “more sad.” Finding out my daughter’s heart had stopped beating was about the most sad I was going to get...but it definitely added an extra “sting” to the pain of losing Harper. I never could have imagined when we got married that day the struggles that lie ahead.

Looking to the future, I imagine the celebration of our marriage will be pushed aside every May 22nd as we mourn the death of our precious baby girl. We will probably be visiting the cemetery with a handful of balloons and maybe even a cake. We will probably spend much of the day weeping and holding one another.

All I know, is that I am extremely grateful for what God has given to me in Eric. Since Harper’s death, I know for certain that we have become stronger as a couple. We have had to lean on one another in ways I never could have imagined. We have grieved in such different ways, but we have continued to cling to God and each other.

So, happy belated anniversary Eric. In good times and in bad...I love you.

-A