We wanted to share some photos of our recent trip to Florida’s 30A. We had no vacations planned for this summer. Our only plans were to take care of our newborn daughter and adjust to life as a family of 5. Our summer has been nothing how we thought it would be. If I’m being honest, I have felt extremely guilty for the quality of summer I have given my boys. They haven’t gotten the mom they are used to or the one they deserve. We haven’t been “up to” taking them to the pool, splash pad, zoo, etc. So, we decided to plan a last minute trip to the beach to "make it up to them."

Other than the 12+ hour car ride (ha!), it was a fun trip for our family. The boys played on the beach until they were exhausted and we made new memories together... but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t all bittersweet.

If you’ve ever lost a child, you know that every happy memory you make here is forever covered by a heavy blanket of grief. We missed our Harper and wished so badly that she was there with us. It’s the strangest thing to feel intense joy and unbearable grief at the same time, but it is a feeling I am becoming more accustomed to. I think, over time, the blanket of grief may get a little lighter, but it will always exist.

So, until the day when our whole family can enjoy each other’s company, we will continue to keep our daughter’s memory alive. We will miss her. We will talk about her. We will wonder what she would be doing if she were with us. We will share her story with others. We will ask God to hold her tightly in His arms and tell her things about her family who misses her dearly.

-A