What do people say to someone who has just experienced a great tragedy or loss in their life? I can think of a few…

-There are no words.

-I can’t imagine what you’re going through.

-Time heals all wounds.

-You’ll get through this.

-I’ll be praying for you.

...and of course I can’t leave out the “at least” responses. Some that I have heard specifically after Harper passed away included:

-AT LEAST y’all are young so you can try again.

-AT LEAST you have your boys.

-AT LEAST Harper is in a better place.

-AT LEAST the first thing Harper saw when she opened her eyes was Jesus.

-AT LEAST you have a great support system.

-AT LEAST Harper will never experience pain, fear, worry, etc.

Well, you get the point. I’ve found that people do not enjoy hearing about “sad things.” Whether it be a death, loss of a job, illness, car accident, etc. Most people just want to put a band-aid on the suffering. They want to make it all better and move on back to “happy things.” Let me tell you-that doesn’t help us... because the truth is, nothing can fix what has happened. I would trade the fact that Harper is "in a better place" for having her here with me. Maybe that's just me being selfish, but I'm trying to be honest and transparent. 

People in the midst of grief are not looking for a sympathy band-aid. They are looking for an empathy connection.

So, if you know someone who is suffering and you feel as though “there are no words.” You’re absolutely right. There ARE no words. Don’t try and fix things or try to relate to them by comparing it to the time your hamster died. Just sit with them in their grief. Tell them how sorry you are. Be sad WITH them. Hurt WITH them. Cry WITH them. Tell them that you know this sucks and that it isn’t fair or right.

Someone in the midst of grief, is most likely not going to reach out for help. They are not going to know what to answer when you ask ‘How can I pray for you?’ or ‘What can I do?’ My advice would be to offer what you think you might appreciate if you were in their shoes. Maybe it’s a meal, a sweet text letting them know you’re thinking about them, or an offer to clean their house and fold their laundry.

Just because there is no healing that will come from your words, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t speak.

Continue to reach out. Remember, grief knows no timeline. I know for certain that I will be grieving and missing Harper until the day I die. I won’t be okay in a year, 10 years, or 50 years. I will need the same love and empathy when I’m 88 as I do now at 28.

Grief has a funny way of highlighting the genuine friendships in your life. Show someone empathy today, not sympathy. Let someone know that you are thinking of them, loving them, and mourning with them. In this, you can be the hands and feet of Jesus.

“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” --Romans 12:15

-A

A friend sent me this video, and I found it to be on point! I hope it helps make sense of this post and encourages you to reach out to someone today. Enjoy!