I have always had a bad memory.  I struggle recalling people’s names.  I struggle recollecting many experiences from my childhood and adolescence.  I occasionally struggle to remember what I did in the last day/week/month. 

Everything about our baby girl, Harper; however, are things that I hope not to forget.

Recently, Alexa and I decided that we would like a Memory Chest to store many of the items we had related to Harper.  I am not the handiest person, so we enlisted the help of my dad to create this memory chest.  We found a design on Pinterest that we liked and sent it to him to see if he thought we could pull it off.  He told us that we could make it. 

My dad went to his friend’s hardware store to pick out all of the necessary wood and parts required for the memory chest.  His friend kindly gave the items to my dad in memory of Harper (Thank you if you are reading this!)  My dad cut all the boards to the proper size and drove them up to Dallas when they came to visit.

We spent all Saturday and some of Sunday working on it.  We used tools that I had never seen, made two runs to the hardware store for other items, and eventually completed the Memory Chest.  It was great getting to make this with my dad!  It will not only bear the remembrance of Harper but also is a fond memory to cherish in sharing that experience with my dad.

Due to time constraints and my parents needing to get back to their house, we did not have time to stain the chest.   Alexa and I got to share the experience of staining the chest.  We spent a few evenings after the boys were in bed working in the garage to stain it.  I also loved working with her on it, so the memory box has added significance for us both.

Now that it is complete, it sits empty.  Just like our arms.  Just like our hearts.  Sadly, we will not get to create new memories with our baby girl (Another blog on memories I will not get to make with her will come some day when I am able to fight through those thoughts and tears…)  All we have to remember her by is already scattered throughout our house. 

We will need to decide what items we will collect from their different spots in the house and put inside.  We have teddy bears that we have received from several organizations and friends since Harper’s death.  We have the box that she was transported from the hospital to the funeral home in.  We have clothes that she wore and clothes that she was supposed to wear.  We have toys she should have played with.  Books she should have read.  Blankets that should have kept her warm.  We have pictures of her.  We have imprints of her feet and hands.  We have funeral programs.  We have items from the hospital.  We have many cards and notes from friends, family, and complete strangers.  What should we put in the memory box?

Right now the box is empty.  Just like the empty feeling we have without our daughter.   Luckily, the word empty reminds me of the empty tomb.  It reminds me of what Jesus did for me.  What He did for Harper.  And what He did for YOU!  Jesus conquered our sin on the cross. He conquered death by leaving the tomb.  Because He died for us and rose up out of the grave, we get to go to Heaven.  Harper is in Heaven waiting with Jesus to welcome us in.  So in the emptiness, I cling to that promise.

-E