If I’m being honest, the thought of having a “baby shower” completely terrified me. My friends had thrown me such a lovely shower for Harper 11 months ago, where I received so many nice items that I never got to use. They have sat, untouched, in Harper’s room and will hopefully be passed down to her sister once she arrives.

I was gripped by the fear of having another lovely shower thrown for me and being unable to use the gifts or raise the child we were there to celebrate. The idea of doing a “sip and see” came up, but I finally realized that I needed to push my fear aside. Even as I type this, I can feel little Hattie kicking away and I am reminded of how precious her life is… how much it deserves to be celebrated.

So my precious friends put together a wonderful “prayer shower” for Hattie and I. And let me just tell you- it. was. perfect.

We were able to take a moment to recognize and celebrate the life growing inside of me… but I didn’t feel like I had to be “fake” about the fear/anxiety I was going through during this pregnancy after loss. Guests were told that, if they wanted to bring a gift, to bring it unwrapped and they would be displayed at the shower. I loved this because opening gifts in front of everyone would have been very challenging for me. I would have smiled and been polite as I opened them, but inside I would have been thinking “I sure hope I actually get to use these things. I hope I don’t have to return all of these diapers back to the store-fighting back tears. This dress is so sweet. I hope I am able to dress her in it on a Sunday morning for church, instead of burying her in it.” You may think these thoughts are twisted, but for parents who have lost and buried their children- it is reality.

Though my friends had never thrown a prayer shower before, every detail was perfect. They were so sweet to make sure I was comfortable with decisions they made. There were bible verses posted around the house. The food was amazing, yet still sensitive to my diet as I developed gestational diabetes this pregnancy. The favors for each guest were flower seeds with specific prayers attached to each one. There were prayer cards for guests to write in and were turned into a book that I will cherish forever.

As I sat and my closest friends went around the circle and prayed over me, my heart was touched. It was so meaningful to hear each person’s words of love and prayers over the safety/health of this pregnancy. And while the main focus of the day was Hattie and her sweet life, her big sister, Harper, was remembered in the prayers of many as well. My biggest fear has always been that others will start to forget Harper’s precious, yet short life, but the prayers of others showed me that day that that wasn’t the case.

Each day that passes leads us closer to the end of this pregnancy and the anxiety has definitely been rising. Yet, being prayed over that day and in the presence of so many loved ones was so refreshing and restrengthened my faith. It reminded me that God is in control, as He always has been, and is watching over our family. Every detail of Hattie’s life is in His hands and I pray that He will use her for His glory.

To all who hosted and attended my prayer shower- thank you, thank you, thank you. It is a day I will hold close to my heart and cherish forever. Your support through all of life’s ups and downs has been such a gift to me and my family.

If you are experiencing PAL (pregnancy after loss), please do not be afraid to celebrate this new life. It is possible to look forward to what is to come, while never forgetting the baby/babies you lost. I would encourage you to find some way to celebrate this new life- whether it be a regular shower, prayer shower, or a small, intimate get together. Below, I will include a list of prayers given out for others to be praying for me and my family.

1) Prayers for safe, normal and easy delivery
2) Prayers for health of Hattie 
3) Prayers for peace and joy for Alexa and Eric (Ephesians 2:14, Philippians 4:6-7)
4) Prayers for wisdom to balance joy and excitement of Hattie with the remembrance and honor of Harper 
5) Prayers for Hudson and Henry as they  transition to having baby sister in the house 
6) Prayers for Alexa’s body to handle labor and delivery beautifully.
7) Prayers against all infection, disease, abnormality, sickness.
8) Prayers against death
9) Prayers for strength to fight the lies of the enemy that seek to steal their joy
10) Prayers they are all drawn closer to God through this process.
11) Prayers for protection over the Van Hals
12) Prayers for God’s love to permeate their bodies, minds and hearts. 
13) Prayers against all fear
14) Prayers for Hattie to grow into the Godly woman she was created and called to be
15) Prayers for Hattie to display the glory of God through her life. 
16) Prayers for the Van Hal’s to grieve and remember Harper in healthy ways that continue to point others to Christ
17) Prayers for Hattie to not feel the weight of living up to the memory of Harper
18) Prayers for Alexa and Eric as they parent and raise three kids here on earth. 
19) Prayers for the trauma and heartache of the last time they were in the OB to not overshadow the birth of Hattie
20) Prayers for strength during labor and delivery 
21) Prayers for Alexa and Hattie’s mother/daughter relationship 
22) Prayers for gestational diabetes to go away after delivery and for Hattie to be unaffected by it and have normal insulin levels
23) Prayers against all shame and condemnation 
24) Prayers for Alexa and Eric to be hopeful and enjoy the remainder of the pregnancy 
25) Prayers against all hopelessness 
26) Prayers for finances - all needs to be met for labor/delivery, prenatal care and postnatal care.  
27) Prayers for Hattie’s salvation 
28) Prayers for Hudson, Henry and Hattie to all have hearts for the Lord and seek Him all the days of their lives 
29) Prayers for Henry’s salvation 
30) Prayers for Hudson’s faith in God to grow and for him to seek the Lord continually. 
31) Prayers against all blood clots in Alexa, Hattie and the umbilical cord.
32) Prayers for life. 
33) Prayers against all knots in and issues with the umbilical cord.
34) Prayers for God’s love to permeate Alexa and Eric. 
35) Prayers for Alexa and Eric to lean on one another and grow closer together through this process. 
36) Prayers for the strength, growth, intimacy and blessing of Alexa and Eric’s marriage.
37) Prayers that God would bless and grow the ministry Eric and Alexa started out of losing Harper. 
38) Prayers against all attacks of the enemy.