I am a man. I don’t cry unless my favorite team loses the championship… This is the common misconception about men. Men should just rub some dirt on it and grin and bear the pain.
Well, I have found that since we lost Harper, I am not the stereotypical male. Things just get to me. It’s a little bit embarrassing to talk about, but should it be? There are a number of things that trigger my tears and that list is a much longer list than it was before we lost Harper…
Any time a song comes on or gets played in church that talks about Heaven, it causes tears now. Not because I am sad at the words of the song, but because I have such joy at thinking about that as my home. I am just a nomad or sojourner here on Earth. Waiting to reach my future home in Heaven, where there will be no more tears or pain. Where I will see Jesus face to face. Where I will be reunited with my baby girl and the many loved ones who have gone before me.
Any time there is a movie, song, or show reference to a father-daughter relationship, the waterworks open. When Alexa and I went to see Avengers: Endgame, I was just as surprised as Alexa was toward the end when (Spoiler Alert) Iron Man’s daughter said “I love you 3,000” and I basically whimpered out loud in the theater. I know embarrassing.
Every single time I leave visiting my daughter’s grave, I cry. It is hard to walk away without my whole family… I have to walk back to the car and I know that one member is not with us. Even though I know she is in Heaven, not at the cemetery, I still feel closer to her and feel that our family is more together when we are all there.
When we had Harper’s drive by second birthday, and I saw the line of cars around the corner of people who remembered our baby girl. Tears.
Random things still pop up occasionally that make me cry and it surprises me!
Therefore, dads who are walking this grief journey…Really dads in general, I give you permission to cry. It’s good for you. If you don’t let the tears out on a regular basis then they will come pouring out at the most inopportune times, like sitting at your desk at work.
I also believe that it is beneficial to my boys to see me cry. Then they understand that I am not an emotionless robot who just tells them good night and disciplines them. Hopefully that will help them to share their emotions with me, whether now or in 15 years. I hope that they will be comfortable being emotional.
Real men can cry and I encourage them to do so. Especially if you are walking that grief journey, it will be beneficial to your healing and navigating this new life that you have. So, while the Four Seasons may say, big girls don’t cry, I say that dads do and should.