This will be my final post on the five stages of grief and how I have expressed them and try to deal with them.  I hope that this is helpful to anyone who may currently be in the stage of grief outlined in the post.  The stages of grief are not a straight line, and they don’t always go in order.  They are like waves.  They may come in rapid succession, or they may come less often, but crash much harder and be much larger.  I decided that I probably went through all five stages in the first night that we found out that Harper did not have a heartbeat.  Please join me on this journey through these five stages and my thoughts. 

Please look back on the post on ANGER, DENIAL, BARGAINING and DEPRESSION to see the start of these topics if you haven’t already read it.

Acceptance is defined, by Merriam Webster, as “The quality or state of being accepted.”  OK… Accept is defined (in the most fitting definition) as “to endure without protest or reaction”.  I don’t know about the “without reaction” part, but I like the “endure” part.  Acceptance is different for everyone.  For me, acceptance was when I no longer felt guilty doing something fun or something special. 

I really struggled with this because I would find myself doing something and for a minute I would forget about my pain and sadness.  This would cause me to feel guilt that I did not miss Harper in that moment.  I would then force myself back into the depression mode because I thought that was where I should be.  During the acceptance stage, I am still sad, but I do not feel the guilt or force myself back into depression.

Acceptance requires you to resolve your anger.  You need to address who or what you are angry with.  Forgive them.  Find a healthy outlet for your anger.  Until you do this, you cannot move forward with acceptance.  You will still be frustrated with the situation and question why, but pent up anger will not turn out good.

Acceptance requires you to talk about your loss.  You need to talk to others or to a counselor to overcome your denial.  Until you say it is real, your mind doesn’t think it is real.  You will still wish the loss wasn’t real, but you will know that it is real.  You can honor your loved one through your hope that you will see them again one day.

Acceptance requires you to stop bargaining.  There is no deal to be made.  You cannot undo your loss.  This does not mean you still don’t wish they were here, but you have to come to terms with the loss.  Be thankful for what you do have and for what God has done for you in Jesus’ death.

Acceptance requires you to overcome depression.  You cannot overcome depression with other medications to distract yourself from the real issue at hand.  The only way to overcome that depression is through looking at the good in your life.

In Ecclesiastes 3:1-4, Solomon outlines that there is a time for everything.  “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under Heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;…”

So, while our focus in our grief is to mourn and to weep.  There is a time of acceptance coming when we can laugh and dance.  The need to mourn and weep will still be there at times, but at least we can laugh and dance sometimes as well.  While you can still miss the one you lost, still remember them, still grieve them, in the words of the great counselor Lee Ann Womack, “I hope you dance.”  Dancing and laughing are a way to honor the one you lost and remember them even in or through your laughter and dancing.

I hope these five posts have helped you in your grief. Thanks for reading!

-E