Two years. It has been two years since we first saw your face. That beautiful face. Two years ago our lives were turned upside down and we entered our lowest valley and our wish to raise you here on Earth did not come true.
Now I still wish that you were here. I wish I had the headache of trying to get on work calls with four little kids coming in and out of the office or yelling in the background. I wish you were potty training and smiling proud that you were a big girl. I wish you could tease and annoy your brothers by copying them or asking them to play with you. I wish you could run around in the back yard with them and they could show you how to throw the ball or kick it into the net. I wish you could splash with your sister in the little pool.
I wish your Mama could be putting cute clothes and bows on you to take that family picture with all four of her children. I wish Hudson had another little sister to take under his wing and make sure she is safe and taken care of. I wish Henry had another little sister to kiss, hug, and try to boss around. I wish Hattie had a big sister that she could look up to and see how to do all the big girl things just like her big sister.
Two years have come and gone. Sometimes I am amazed at how quickly it has gone by and it encourages me that time will fly by and I will see you again before I know it. Other times I feel that it has already been many years as some details fade or the monotony of life sets in. Either way, one thing remains the same. I miss you and wish you were here.
I wish. Normally the birthday girl would get to make the wish when blowing out her candles, but instead I am wishing. My wishes will not come true until Heaven. No matter how hard I wish.
But God has given me two years of growing closer to Him. Two years of learning more to live like Jesus. Two years of learning how to forsake the things of this earth and look toward my future home in Heaven. Two years of opportunities to pour into broken people also missing their babies. Two years of what I didn’t ask for but got anyways. Two years of suffering.
So even though I wouldn’t wish our lives on anybody, it has been our reality the last two years. And I still hurt. I still cry. I still miss you. And I still wish things were different. So, until the day I get to see you in Heaven, I will be here missing you. I hope you have a great celebration in Heaven with Jesus and I look forward to joining you in that party one day.
Happy Birthday Harper! We love you.