Two years. It has been two years since we first saw your face. That beautiful face. Two years ago our lives were turned upside down and we entered our lowest valley and our wish to raise you here on Earth did not come true.
MOTHER'S DAY 2019
My wife, Alexa, is the best mother ever.
She gave birth twice in 10 and a half months. That's proof enough right there. But let me go on.
She has spent the last 355 days mothering a daughter in Heaven. From day 1 when we found out we wouldn't get to bring Harper home, she has been fighting to make sure she is remembered.
AN UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
As seen featured on: https://livalliston.wixsite.com/livfreetoday
What feelings come to mind at the mention of Valentine’s Day? Do you get the warm fuzzies thinking about your sweetheart? Are you into all things love, roses, boxes of chocolates and over-sized stuffed animals? Maybe you are not a fan- scarred by an awful memory/past relationship. Or maybe you make it all about the kids- showering them with treats and helping out at their class party that day. Many people even believe it is just a consumer holiday to take everyone’s money and make them feel vulnerable.
No matter where you land on this issue, most people can agree on one thing. As Valentine’s Day approaches, you can’t help but think about love.
It forces you to stop and consider who you love and who loves you. Maybe a spouse or significant other comes to mind. Maybe a child, mother, father, grandparent, close friend...the list goes on. For some, it’s the sad reality of realizing their list is much shorter than they would like it to be or ever thought it could be at this point in their lives.
Today friend, in a totally and completely un-cheesy way, I want to remind you of the One who loves you the most. The One who should be at the top of your list and the One who has you at the top of His. His name is Jesus.
Whether your relationship with Jesus is strong, okay at best, or non-existent, I want to remind you today of Jesus’ great love for you.
In the world in which we live, love can come with heartbreak. The type of love we are accustomed to comes with boundaries and conditions. It is often based on our circumstances and can change in an instant. This happens because we are a sinful people and are incapable of loving perfectly. We hold grudges, our feelings get hurt, we base how we treat others on how they treat us. We live in a “they get what they deserve” society.
But God’s love is so very different. His love is perfect and unconditional. No matter how much we sin against God, we are shown love and compassion. I can think of a thousand circumstances that Jesus loves us though or in spite of. His love doesn’t change based on what struggles or hardships we endure in this life. His love is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. It was the same at the beginning of our story as it will be at the end.
He loves us even if…
...we’ve had bad day.
...we haven’t touched our Bibles in days, weeks, months, or years.
...we’ve lost our job.
...our spouse left us.
...we yelled at our children all day.
...our house is a mess.
...we are staring down at another negative pregnancy test.
...we just suffered a miscarriage.
...our car just broke down.
...we went over budget- again.
...we just buried our child.
I have experienced many of the sufferings listed above and know first hand how difficult it can be to feel God’s love for us when we are faced with such unexplainably hard circumstances. It is so easy to feel abandoned, forgotten, unseen, and unloved in those moments...but please hear me.
Jesus still loves you.
His love for us is not shown in a way that would seem natural to us. God doesn’t say- “I will show my love to you by shielding you from suffering during your life on Earth.” He doesn’t bless us when He loves us and curse us when He doesn’t. No- He always loves us, despite what we are faced with. We know this to be true because of the ultimate act of love Jesus displayed on the cross. As the only sinless man to ever live, He paid the debt for all of our sin by dying on the cross. Because of His sacrifice, we are able to live forever in heaven with Him when we die. He has given us new life and a second chance- one we definitely do not deserve.
“But God proves His own love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us.” -Romans 5:8
If you want to know more about this great love, or maybe just aren’t feeling it in the midst of your circumstances, I would love to hear from you. I would love to hear your story and come alongside you to pray for you. As Valentine’s Day approaches, I hope you are encouraged to know that Jesus can be permanently on the top of your “love list.”
MY WIFE
:: 2010 ::
Recently, we had our Bible study Christmas party with our church. This is one of the first things Alexa and I have done together (without kids) besides seeing a movie here or there since we lost Harper. We went to the party and ate, chatted with friends, and then they decided to play the “Not so Newly Wed Game”. In this game, they would ask questions to one spouse about what the other would say.
They asked around 10-12 questions throughout our time playing the game and we missed some, but got a majority of them right. The thing that stuck out to me was just thinking back on all of the moments of our relationship. One question was “Where was your first kiss?” Another question was wedding related. Many of the questions made you get in your spouse’s mind to think of how they would answer it. No matter what the questions were, how they were answered, or if we got them right or not, the game made me think back to just us.
My mind went back to before we lost Harper. Before we had Hudson or Henry. Even before we were married. And I thought about just us. Losing Harper has made our communication stronger. It made us really talk to each other about our feelings, but it also made us not want to go out. Not “date”. Thinking back to dates and getting to know each other made me, for just a second, think back to just me and my wife. Such a simpler time.
We didn’t have kids running around demanding our attention. We didn’t have the memory of losing our daughter always in our hearts and minds. We didn’t have the stresses of life on us. We were just two college kids hanging out. As I looked at my wife in those questions, just hoping that I got the answer right of what she would say (or what I should have said), I thought back to then. When we were first falling in love. And I realized, through all the years. Through all the diapers and spit ups. Through all the activities and busyness. Through the loss of our baby girl. Through LIFE. She is still that same woman I fell in love with. She is still the most beautiful person I have ever seen. She is still the one that rolls her eyes and tries to hide her smile when she doesn’t want to laugh at my terrible joke. She is still the one who tells me I don’t have to hold her hand because we are just walking into the store. She is still the one who I promised my life to for better OR WORSE. She is still my princess…
While our life has not gone at all as planned, the one who I have stood hand in hand with and will continue to stand hand in hand with, is her.
Thanks for being there to hug me, wipe my tears, hold my hand, laugh (at me), and date me. You are the best. I love you!
HAPPY BELATED ANNIVERSARY
I like to think of myself as an organized person. I’ll be honest, motherhood has taken some of this away from me. It seems like with each child, I lose a few more of my brain cells. When it comes to birthdays and anniversaries I love sending cards, flowers, or even a quick text message to friends and family. I feel so loved when others acknowledge special dates in my life, so I do my best to acknowledge them for others.
With that being said, it’s about time for me to wish a happy anniversary to my loving husband, Eric. I love celebrating my marriage to the most perfect guy God could have given me, but this year I was a little distracted. You see, our 7th wedding anniversary was overshadowed by the birth of our stillborn daughter, Harper Jane.