MOTHER'S DAY 2019

MOTHER'S DAY 2019

My wife, Alexa, is the best mother ever.

She gave birth twice in 10 and a half months.  That's proof enough right there.  But let me go on.

She has spent the last 355 days mothering a daughter in Heaven.  From day 1 when we found out we wouldn't get to bring Harper home, she has been fighting to make sure she is remembered. 

STAGES OF GRIEF: DENIAL

STAGES OF GRIEF: DENIAL

Merriam Webster defines denial as the action of declaring something to be untrue.  Even when faced with a fact, the person does not accept it.

In the first day, I went through all of the stages of grief.  I embodied denial several times in the first 24 hours that we were in the hospital.  When Alexa told me she was going to go to the doctor because she hadn’t felt Harper move, I said to myself, “It will be fine.  They will check and she will just not have moved lately or not had room to move.”  DENIAL.

Foundations Revealed

Foundations Revealed

On May 22, 2018, I gave birth to my third child and first daughter...stillborn. The loss of her precious life is easily the hardest thing I have ever been through- you can read more about her story here.

In the hours, days, weeks, and months that followed her birth, we had countless amounts of family, friends, even strangers reach out to us. Much of what they said was healing and helpful, but much was also not so great. Remind me to write a post on “what not to say to a grieving parent.”

PAL :: THE PRAYER SHOWER

PAL :: THE PRAYER SHOWER

If I’m being honest, the thought of having a “baby shower” completely terrified me. My friends had thrown me such a lovely shower for Harper 11 months ago, where I received so many nice items that I never got to use. They have sat, untouched, in Harper’s room and will hopefully be passed down to her sister once she arrives.

I was gripped by the fear of having another lovely shower thrown for me and being unable to use the gifts or raise the child we were there to celebrate.

A FATHER'S PERSPECTIVE :: HARPER'S STORY PART IV

A FATHER'S PERSPECTIVE :: HARPER'S STORY PART IV

May 22 after they took Harper and we were alone

We should have wanted the nurses to take our crying daughter away for us to take a 3 hour nap before they brought her back to feed, but instead we were having the nurses take her away for the final time. Forever. We still couldn’t believe it and just sat and held each other in silence for several minutes.

The funeral home called me and said that the nurses had called them and just needed to go over some details with them. I still couldn’t believe that I was doing this, but I went over all the details with them.

MY WORD FOR 2019

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I know I’m a little behind, but I recently took one of those word of the year quizzes at the prompting of a coworker.  Obviously last year was a terrible year for us, so I figured why not see what my word will be for 2019.  I answered the seven simple questions on the quiz found here.  I was surprised by the word that it selected for me.

HOPE.

One word for me in the year 2019 is Hope.  As I thought about it, I felt that the word really did apply to me in this current season.

Hope is defined as “desire accompanied by expectation of or belief in fulfillment.”  It also could be defined as Trust or Reliance.  Hope to me is an expectation that desires will be fulfilled. 

The Bible speaks a lot about hope and I have been reading through some of those instances in my quiet time.

Abraham is the epitome of Hope.  His hope was quite prolonged.  Abraham hoped for a son to fulfill God’s promise that he would have more descendants than the stars in Genesis 12.  Abraham had to be discouraged as time went by that this promise was not being fulfilled.  He had to wait until he was 100 for that promise of a son to be fulfilled.  In Genesis 21, the fulfillment of that promise is born in Isaac.  9 chapters later… He had to have hope for a long time.  Romans 4:18 says, “ In hope he believed against hope, that he should become the father of many nations, as he had been told, “So shall your offspring be.”

Job was a guy who really needed hope in his life.  The book of Job is filled with hopelessness but also with hope.  The picture of Job is an accurate representation of the life of grief.  There are times when you go into a depression or sorrow and feel hopeless AND there are times when you look forward to the hope and expectation of good in your future, whether that be here or in Heaven one day. 

Hopelessness in Job:

·        Job 6:8-9-“Oh that I might have my request, and that God would fulfill my hope, that it would please God to crush me, that he would let loose his hand and cut me off!

·        Job 7:5-6- My flesh is clothed with worms and dirt; my skin hardens, then breaks out afresh. My days are swifter than a weaver's shuttle and come to their end without hope.

·        Job 14:7,10-“For there is hope for a tree, if it be cut down, that it will sprout again, and that its shoots will not cease… But a man dies and is laid low; man breathes his last, and where is he?

·        Job 14:19-20-19 the waters wear away the stones; the torrents wash away the soil of the earth; so you destroy the hope of man. You prevail forever against him, and he passes; you change his countenance, and send him away.

·        Job 19:10- He breaks me down on every side, and I am gone, and my hope has he pulled up like a tree.

But, Job shows HOPE just 13 verses later in ch. 19.  Job 19:23-27 says, “Oh that my words were written! Oh that they were inscribed in a book! Oh that with an iron pen and lead they were engraved in the rock forever! For I know that my Redeemer lives, and at the last he will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been thus destroyed, yet in my flesh I shall see God, whom I shall see for myself, and my eyes shall behold, and not another. My heart faints within me!”

Even in the midst of all of Job’s loss and affliction, he looked forward to the hope that he had.  “I know that my Redeemer lives, and at the last he will stand upon the earth…yet in my flesh I shall see God.”  That’s awesome.  A man who had almost everything taken away from him looked forward to the hope of his savior.

We hope for Heaven.  This one is my biggest hope as I know that in Heaven I will get to be with Jesus and our precious Harper.  David speaks of this hope in Psalm 16:9-10: “Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption.”  The term dwells secure here can be translated dwells in HOPE.  Paul speaks of the Hope of Heaven in Acts 26:6-7 as well, “And now I stand here on trial because of my hope in the promise made by God to our fathers, to which our twelve tribes hope to attain, as they earnestly worship night and day. And for this hope I am accused by Jews, O king!”

This year will be a tough year, but it will be a good year.  I have hope. I have a “desire accompanied by expectation of or belief in fulfillment.”  I hope that I will see Harper again one day and that her story can be used to help many other families for God’s Kingdom.  I hope that Hattie will be granted a long life where she can be used for God’s Kingdom starting this year when we get to take her home in our arms from the hospital.  I hope that Hudson and Henry will continue to shape into the men that God wants them to be and that they can be used for God’s Kingdom.  I hope that Alexa and I’s story can bless others and that in all we do we can be used for God’s Kingdom. 

That is my number one hope for all 6 members of my family is, that we can all be used for God’s Kingdom.  I don’t know what that looks like and I don’t know what will come of it, but I know that is my purpose.  Remember I don’t mean that I hope it will happen… I mean the true definition of hope…that I fully expect fulfillment of this and I look forward to seeing how that plays out.

Please let Alexa or I know how we can be praying for you or what we can do for you in your lives. 

I’d also love to know what your word of the year is in the comments below or your thoughts on hope.  Here’s hoping your 2019 word of the year is spot on for you!  Let me leave you with this, Romans 15:13 says, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”

 -E